Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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