She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There r osticjed everywhere
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
