Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
