HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
