i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
