i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just crazy horny about you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
