I wish I could punch you in the face.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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