i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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