You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
