If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
