Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
