As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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