apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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