Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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