non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
