He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
