You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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