He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
