she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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