mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
