This is not my ceiling
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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