So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
