dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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