Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize