I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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