i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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