You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
