I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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