either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
