Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
