We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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