; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
