Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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