Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
