I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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