don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
