I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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