I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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