Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
