just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
