I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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