So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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