its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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