Say something about gay babies.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
