this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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