Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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