Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
