So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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