Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
