i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
