I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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