I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
