worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
