I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
