I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please come you make the beer taste better
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize