My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
