I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
