where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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