Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
