Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize