We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
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before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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